Un amico mi ha forwardato una mail che ha ricevuto da Babbo Natale:
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve
the states of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, West Virginia, North and South
Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas, and Arkansas
on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth,
my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.
As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and
cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will
be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third
cousin, Bubba Joe Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He
shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however,
there are a few differences between us:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Joe
Claus because he has a gun
rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads, "These toys insured by
Smith and Wesson".
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Joe Claus prefers that children
leave an RC Cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba
Joe Claus doesn't smoke a pipe. He likes a little chaw though, so please
have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Joe Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the
mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's
head now overlooks Bubba Joe Claus' fireplace.
4. You won't hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen" when Bubba
Joe Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on
Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" Has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" You also are likely to
hear Bubba Joe Claus' elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Joe Claus' sleigh does have
a Yosemite Sam safety triangle
on the back with the words, "Back Off".
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and Smokey and the
Bandit IV featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Joe Claus and dozens of state
patrol cars crashing into each other.
8. Bubba Joe Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure your
wife and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
under the tree.